She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
