i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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