I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
