its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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