real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
