Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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