so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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