How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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