Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
