This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
