Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
