Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
