She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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