Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I will die if light touches me.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
