Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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