Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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