im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
