some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
