Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
