Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
