I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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