Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
