he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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