This is not my ceiling
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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