Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
