Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
