He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
