you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
