If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
and you fell through a lawn chair
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