You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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