he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have feelings that need drinking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
