So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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