I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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