haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's like heaven, but drunker
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
