You were right. It hurts to walk today.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
