That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
