Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
