I just threw up on my dentist
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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