Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
