Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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