Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
