If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
