I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
