One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
