She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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