OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
