I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
