Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
