I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think i have two assholes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
