we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is Oprah even human
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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